Efalimi, ahvalimi, akvalimi, efkar\u0131m\u0131 ve etvar\u0131m\u0131 kontrol alt\u0131nda tutabilir miyim? Yani fiillerime, hallerime, s\u00f6zlerime, fikirlerime ve tav\u0131rlar\u0131ma h\u00fckmedebilir miyim? Geriye d\u00f6n\u00fcp bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda pi\u015fmanl\u0131k duymama sebep olan \u015feylerin genelde hislerimi ve dolay\u0131s\u0131yla davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 kontrol edememekten kaynakland\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Bir tavr\u0131m y\u00fcz\u00fcnden istemeden birini kendime has\u0131m k\u0131lm\u0131\u015f\u0131m. Darald\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in surat\u0131m as\u0131lm\u0131\u015f ve dar\u0131ld\u0131m diye dar\u0131lanlar olmu\u015f. Fikirlerimin baz\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131n yanl\u0131\u015f oldu\u011funu anlay\u0131p daha fazla haks\u0131z h\u00fck\u00fcmlere varmamak i\u00e7in o fikirlerden vazge\u00e7ti\u011fimi hat\u0131rl\u0131yorum. Niyetimde olmamas\u0131na ra\u011fmen hata ile s\u00f6yledi\u011fim bir s\u00f6z y\u00fcz\u00fcnden dostlar\u0131m\u0131 k\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131m oldu. Bazen \u00f6yle bir hal bende etkili olur ki kurtulmak istememe ra\u011fmen o haletten bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc kurtulamam. Kalb kat\u0131la\u015f\u0131r su-i zanna y\u00f6nelir ve ben bilerek sadece izlerim kendimi. Ge\u00e7mi\u015fteki fiillerime bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda baz\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131n malayani \u015feyler ve bo\u015f gayretler oldu\u011funu da \u00fcz\u00fclerek g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum.<\/p>\n
Allah\u2019\u0131m bana raz\u0131 oldu\u011fun ve senin sevgini kazand\u0131racak efal, ahval, akval, efkar ve etvar\u0131 nasib et. Amin.<\/p>\n
Bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce zihnimi aylarca me\u015fgul etmesine ra\u011fmen gayeme ula\u015ft\u0131racak bir \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcm yolunu bulamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Sadece dua etmek d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda bir \u015fey yapamaman\u0131n acizli\u011fi i\u00e7indeydim. Nas\u0131l kazan\u0131l\u0131r, nas\u0131l elde edilir bilmiyordum. Bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler ile y\u00fcr\u00fcrken okuldan tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m ve sevdi\u011fim bir arkada\u015f\u0131m ile kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131m. Selamla\u015ft\u0131k, konu\u015fmaya ba\u015flad\u0131k. Okulda ge\u00e7en g\u00fcnlerimizi and\u0131k. Y\u0131llarca beraber olmam\u0131za neden olan okuldaki g\u00fcnlerimiz ve an\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131z g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fczde canland\u0131. Sanki o g\u00fcnleri tekrar ya\u015far gibi olduk. Dostluklar samimi olunca an\u0131lar ruhumuzda daha derin etkiler b\u0131rak\u0131yor.<\/p>\n
Arkada\u015f\u0131m duyguland\u0131:<\/p>\n
\u201cD\u00fcnyada en \u00e7ok s\u00f6ylenen s\u00f6zlerden birisi de \u015fu olsa gerek: Y\u0131llar ne \u00e7abuk gelip ge\u00e7iyor.\u201d diyerek hay\u0131fland\u0131.<\/p>\n
Ben de dostlu\u011fumuzu ve an\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnerek \u015f\u00f6yle dedim:<\/p>\n
\u201cGe\u00e7mi\u015f zaman olur ki hayali cihan de\u011fer.\u201d<\/p>\n
Elinde bir paket vard\u0131. \u0130radem haricinde g\u00f6z\u00fcm elindeki pakete ili\u015fti. Sanki onun i\u00e7indeki \u015fey benim i\u00e7inmi\u015f hissine kap\u0131ld\u0131m. Dikkatli bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131m y\u00fcz\u00fcnden paket hakk\u0131nda konu\u015fmak ihtiyac\u0131 hissetti: \u201cBunun i\u00e7inde huzur ve hu\u015fu kazanmak i\u00e7in ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir c\u00fcppe var. S\u00fcnnete uymak ve namaz\u0131 daha huzurlu k\u0131lmak i\u00e7in ald\u0131m.\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n
\u201cBir kuma\u015f huzura ve hu\u015fuya sebep olur mu?\u201d dedim.<\/p>\n
\u201cOlur elbette. Hangi niyetle giydi\u011fine ba\u011fl\u0131.\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n
\u201cPeki, nereden ald\u0131n?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKitap\u00e7\u0131dan\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKitap\u00e7\u0131dan m\u0131?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEvet, buralarda c\u00fcppeler kitap\u00e7\u0131larda sat\u0131l\u0131r.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kitap okuyan c\u00fcbbe giyer, c\u00fcbbe giyen kitap okur.<\/p>\n
\u201cPeki, giyim ma\u011fazalar\u0131?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOrada olmaz.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNeden?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc yasak\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNeden yasak?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cZalimin yasa\u011f\u0131nda ve yasas\u0131nda \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc olmaz. Yasaklanan kimse \u00e7o\u011fu zaman bunun nedenini bilmez.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYani g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc kimse yasak koyar, g\u00fc\u00e7s\u00fcz olan da ona uymak zorunda kal\u0131r.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEvet \u00f6yle. Haks\u0131zl\u0131k ancak g\u00fc\u00e7le \u00f6rt\u00fcl\u00fcr. O da uzun s\u00fcrmez.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAma insanlar \u00f6zg\u00fcr olmal\u0131 de\u011fil mi?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBurada insanlar yok h\u00fckm\u00fcnde de\u011fersizler. \u00d6zg\u00fcr olmak var olmakt\u0131r. Yok olan ve yok say\u0131lan \u00f6zg\u00fcr olamaz.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAma sen vars\u0131n\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEvet var\u0131m fakat yok say\u0131l\u0131yorum. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc varl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 kabul etmiyorlar.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cVar olana yap\u0131lacak en b\u00fcy\u00fck hakaret onu yok saymakt\u0131r. Bu \u0130blise bile yap\u0131lmad\u0131. Allah de\u011fer verip seni var etmi\u015fse, arz \u00fczerinde y\u00fcr\u00fcmeyi sana bah\u015fetmi\u015fse ve bunun ne b\u00fcy\u00fck bir nimet oldu\u011funu da bildirmi\u015fse. O halde kim seni yok sayabilir.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOnlar.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOnlar kim?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c\u00c7ok g\u00fc\u00e7s\u00fcz olmalar\u0131na ra\u011fmen kendilerini g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc g\u00f6stermeyi bilen \u00fc\u00e7, be\u015f ki\u015fi.\u201d<\/p>\n
Peki, kar\u015f\u0131lar\u0131ndakiler kimler?<\/p>\n
\u201c\u00c7ok g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc olmalar\u0131na ra\u011fmen kendilerini g\u00fc\u00e7s\u00fcz sanan milyonlar.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOnlarla konu\u015fsan.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDinlemezler.\u201d<\/p>\n
Di\u011ferleri ile konu\u015fsan.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnlamazlar.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNeden?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc beni yok kabul edenler s\u00f6zlerimi de yok sayarlar. Beni k\u0131ymetsiz g\u00f6renler s\u00f6zlerime de k\u0131ymet vermezler.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cD\u00fcnyan\u0131n de\u011fersizli\u011fi i\u00e7inde al\u00e7alanlar ve k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fclenler beni de \u00f6yle g\u00f6r\u00fcrler.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNeden \u00f6yle g\u00f6rs\u00fcnler ki?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKap i\u00e7indekini s\u0131zd\u0131r\u0131r derler.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c\u0130\u00e7lerinde ne varsa \u00e7evrelerini de \u00f6yle zannediyorlar.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cH\u0131rs\u0131z\u0131n paras\u0131 kaybolsa; \u201ckayboldu\u201d demez. \u201cKim \u00e7ald\u0131\u201d der. Kaybolmas\u0131na ihtimal vermez. Herkes olaylar\u0131 kendi ahlak\u0131na g\u00f6re yorumlar.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cH\u0131rs\u0131z herkesi h\u0131rs\u0131z zanneder, al\u00e7ak herkesi al\u00e7ak zanneder \u00f6yle mi?<\/p>\n
\u201cEvet, \u00f6yle.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBir de \u015feytan\u0131n \u201cz\u0131dd\u0131 ile kand\u0131rma\u201d metodu var. \u015eeytan en \u00e7ok bu silah\u0131 istimal eder. \u0130nsan\u0131 karanl\u0131k bir yolda y\u00fcr\u00fctmek istedi\u011fi zaman: \u201cE\u011fer bu yola girmezsen karanl\u0131kta kal\u0131rs\u0131n.\u201d der. Bu y\u00fczden emin insanlara hain demelerine \u015fa\u015f\u0131rma.\u201d<\/p>\n
Akl\u0131ma ilk insan Hz. Adem geldi.<\/p>\n
\u201cAdem\u2019i Cennette kand\u0131r\u0131rken de \u015feytan bu metodu uygulad\u0131. E\u011fer yasak meyveden yersen burada ebedi kal\u0131rs\u0131n dedi. O da meyveyi yedi ve kovuldu. Orada ebedi kalamad\u0131\u201d<\/p>\n
S\u00f6z\u00fc uzatmak istemedi\u011fim i\u00e7in konuyu de\u011fi\u015ftirdim:<\/p>\n
\u201cC\u00fcppene bakabilir miyim?<\/p>\n
\u201cElbette.\u201d dedi ve paketi a\u00e7t\u0131.<\/p>\n
\u0130\u00e7inden eski ve yamal\u0131 bir c\u00fcppe \u00e7\u0131k\u0131nca hayretimi gizleyemeden sordum: \u201cAma bu c\u00fcppe yeni de\u011fil, \u00fcstelik yamal\u0131.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tebess\u00fcm ederek:<\/p>\n
\u201cKullan\u0131lm\u0131\u015f c\u00fcppe nurlanm\u0131\u015f c\u00fcppe demektir. B\u00f6yle bir c\u00fcppeyi her zaman bulamazs\u0131n. Yenisinden daha fazla fiyat \u00f6dedim. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc onun \u00fczerinde ibadet kokusu var. Yeni olsa kokusuz ve ruhsuz olur. Bu y\u00fczden okunmu\u015f eski kitaplar\u0131 her zaman yenisine tercih ederim. Onlarda g\u00f6z nuru var. \u00dcnsiyet var.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKullan\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olmas\u0131ndan dolay\u0131 bir s\u0131cakl\u0131k hissettim, bunu bana verir misin?\u201d dedim.<\/p>\n
\u201cVeririm ama.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAmas\u0131 ne?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBu c\u00fcppe seni so\u011fuktan korur ancak titremeni \u00f6nlemez. Hatta titremene sebep olur. Bu c\u00fcppe ile yatamazs\u0131n, ayaklar\u0131n\u0131 uzatamazs\u0131n. Bacak bacak \u00fcst\u00fcne at\u0131p s\u0131rt\u0131n\u0131 dayaman hi\u00e7 m\u00fcmk\u00fcn olmaz. Bu \u00fczerinde oldu\u011fu m\u00fcddet\u00e7e karn\u0131n\u0131 doyurman imkans\u0131zd\u0131r.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cO zaman ben de bu c\u00fcppeyi sadece ibadet i\u00e7in giyerim. Daha sonra \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131r\u0131m.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c\u00c7\u0131karsan da g\u00f6lgesi ve kokusu seni b\u0131rakmaz. Yine de rahat bulamazs\u0131n. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc bunun ile namaz k\u0131larken \u00fczerinde hissetti\u011fin ahval namazdan sonra da devam eder. Ondan kurtulamazs\u0131n\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPeki bunlar\u0131n hepsine sabredersem.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cO zaman efalini, ahvalini, akvalini, efkar\u0131n\u0131 ve etvar\u0131n\u0131 kontrol alt\u0131nda tutabilirsin. Ruhun cesedine h\u00fckmeder. Pi\u015fman olaca\u011f\u0131n \u015feyleri yapmaktan uzak kal\u0131rs\u0131n.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEvet anlad\u0131m. Ta\u00e7 giyen ba\u015f ak\u0131llan\u0131r.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBu c\u00fcppeyi, hislerini anlatarak giyebilirsin.\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n
\u201cC\u00fcppeyi giyerken a\u011fz\u0131mdan \u015fu kelimeler d\u00f6k\u00fcld\u00fc:<\/p>\n
Kelimeler.<\/p>\n
Dar elbiseler.<\/p>\n
Beni ifade edemezler.<\/p>\n
Kelimeler.<\/p>\n
Ruhsuz \u015fekiller.<\/p>\n
Ruhumdan haber veremezler.<\/p>\n
C\u00fcppeyi giyince v\u00fccudumun her taraf\u0131na batan i\u011fnelerin dayan\u0131lmaz ac\u0131s\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcnden di\u015flerim duda\u011f\u0131m\u0131 \u0131s\u0131rd\u0131. C\u00fcppenin yakas\u0131ndaki \u00e7atal i\u011fneyi arkada\u015f\u0131m, g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcm\u00fcn \u00fczerinden derime saplay\u0131p kuma\u015f\u0131 etime tutturdu.<\/p>\n
\u201cArt\u0131k c\u00fcppeyi \u00e7\u0131karamazs\u0131n. Ac\u0131 ile yerle\u015fti. Daha \u00e7ok ac\u0131 \u00e7ekmeden \u00e7\u0131karamazs\u0131n. Bu senin \u00f6mr\u00fcn boyunca ta\u015f\u0131yaca\u011f\u0131n ve \u00e7ekip uzatamayaca\u011f\u0131n k\u0131yafetin oldu.\u201d dedi.<\/p>\n
Ayakta durmak i\u00e7in dizlerime daha \u00e7ok kuvvet geldi\u011fini hissettim. Ac\u0131lar yok say\u0131lamayan ve g\u00f6rmezlikten gelinemeyen ger\u00e7ekler. Ac\u0131, \u0131zd\u0131rap, h\u00fcz\u00fcn, keder, gam, tasa, a\u011fr\u0131, s\u0131z\u0131, sanc\u0131, bunalma, yanma, ezilme, daralma, \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fc, s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131. Aman Ya Rabbi! Ne kadar \u00e7ok \u00e7e\u015fidi var. Bunlar insan\u0131 eritir, y\u0131prat\u0131r, mahveder ve bunlara nas\u0131l dayan\u0131l\u0131r. Eridim, y\u0131prand\u0131m, mahvoldum. Fakat sabrettim. Sabrettik\u00e7e ac\u0131lar\u0131n yava\u015f yava\u015f hafifledi\u011fini ve dayan\u0131l\u0131r bir hale geldi\u011fini hissettim. Zamanla ac\u0131 bana zevk vermeye ba\u015flad\u0131. O anda \u015fu m\u0131sralar\u0131 sevinerek s\u00f6yledim:<\/p>\n
\u201cAc\u0131yla \u0131zd\u0131rapla tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131m bug\u00fcn.<\/p>\n
Da\u011f gibi kar\u015f\u0131ma dikildi birden.<\/p>\n
Kalbimde de\u011fil t\u0131rnaklar\u0131mda h\u00fcz\u00fcn.<\/p>\n
Dostum neler \u00e7ektim ah bir bilsen.\u201d<\/p>\n
Arkada\u015f\u0131m sordu: \u201cC\u00fcppeyi giymeden \u00f6nce s\u00f6yledi\u011fin s\u00f6zleri hat\u0131rla! D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerin de\u011fi\u015fti mi?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEvet.\u201d dedim. \u201cKesinlikle de\u011fi\u015fti.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNeler de\u011fi\u015fti?\u201d diye sordu.<\/p>\n
\u015e\u00f6yle cevap verdim:<\/p>\n
Kelimeler rengarenk \u015fekil ve desenler.<\/p>\n
Kelimeler ho\u015f kokulu \u00e7i\u00e7eklerden bah\u00e7eler.<\/p>\n
Kelimeler sonsuzla\u015fan t\u00fcrl\u00fc t\u00fcrl\u00fc heceler.<\/p>\n
Kelimeler bilinmezi bildiren terc\u00fcmeler.<\/p>\n
Arkada\u015f\u0131ma bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda y\u00fcz\u00fcndeki memnuniyeti g\u00f6rd\u00fcm, g\u00f6zlerinin i\u00e7inde sevin\u00e7 p\u0131r\u0131lt\u0131lar\u0131 vard\u0131.<\/p>\n
\u201cBu c\u00fcppe sana benden daha bereketli geldi.\u201d dedi ve ayr\u0131ld\u0131k.<\/p>\n
(2001)<\/p>\n
(Yol isimli kitaptan al\u0131nm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Efalimi, ahvalimi, akvalimi, efkar\u0131m\u0131 ve etvar\u0131m\u0131 kontrol alt\u0131nda tutabilir miyim? Yani fiillerime, hallerime, s\u00f6zlerime, fikirlerime ve tav\u0131rlar\u0131ma h\u00fckmedebilir miyim? Geriye d\u00f6n\u00fcp bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda pi\u015fmanl\u0131k duymama sebep olan \u015feylerin genelde hislerimi ve dolay\u0131s\u0131yla davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 kontrol edememekten kaynakland\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Bir tavr\u0131m y\u00fcz\u00fcnden istemeden birini kendime has\u0131m k\u0131lm\u0131\u015f\u0131m. Darald\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in surat\u0131m as\u0131lm\u0131\u015f ve dar\u0131ld\u0131m diye dar\u0131lanlar olmu\u015f. Fikirlerimin baz\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131n…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":26,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5655","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-genel"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/suristan.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5655","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/suristan.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/suristan.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/suristan.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/26"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/suristan.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5655"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/suristan.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5655\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5656,"href":"https:\/\/suristan.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5655\/revisions\/5656"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/suristan.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5655"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/suristan.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5655"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/suristan.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5655"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}